What you did..

What has happened since..

What is happening now..

How I am starting to feel again..

How I want more..

How I can’t do anything..

How you will eventually leave..

How things will change..

How things will never be the same.

as if boy.

Monologue

(On bed crying) …why do I bother? … …why do I have to be like this? … (Sits up on bed) It never used to be like this (looks up with hatred) until you blamed me (walks up to a picture) we used to be close… Sarah and Julie the best of friends… That’s all changed now (Rips picture in half) I can’t stand to see you or even be around you… (Walks over to bedside table) Before you blamed me my life was going great (looks at old pictures) I was so happy. I had great friends who I loved going out with every weekend. They used to call me the life of the party (puts down photo frame facing down)… It’s all changed now. I don’t go out with them anymore because they know everything that has gone on between us… YOU TURNED THEM AGAINST ME I hope me being so lonely and depressed has made you happy. My life has been hell for the past two months and its all because of you. I can’t take it anymore… iam not going to sit here and let you accuse me for your cutting and depression. (Fall to knees, crawls to tape recorder) You say you got it worst than me… you’re the one who is more lonely and more depressed… well now the tables have turned iam the one who has no one.. You took everyone I cared about away from me… HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL? (Gradually lowers self to floor)

You don’t know what its like to have no one … no one to cheer you up or stand up for you.. (leans on hands)… it’s the most depressing thing that could happen to anyone and I hope one day it happens to you (Pulls sleeves down and twiddles with thumbs)

You told everyone why you where like this… why you harmed yourself… you thought it would be a good excuse to do it… well you want to know something that I have never told anyone (Goes right up to tape recorder) I WAS RAPED… (Breaks out in tears)…Yes you heard me raped. You go around saying that some guy touch your leg while Iam the one who got raped. I was four years when it happened. FOUR YEARS OLD JULIE! Iam now and I remember everything… you know he used to sing to me… You are my sunshine (stands up)… You make me happy (rips down all the posters)…When skies are grey… remember that song, you used to sing it to me, you saw me cry… I tried to be happy but I couldn’t help it.. you don’t know what it is like to have been raped the second you get close to a guy flashbacks come racing back into your mind… all the pain I went through it all comes back. I’ve lived with it all my life but I don’t sit there and grab a blade and cut myself because I don’t want to sit there and have people take pity on me because of it. I don’t want them to feel the way I do now. Well you know what I should do it. I got a blade. Its starring at me now… but I don’t know if I want to stoop to your level, if I want another person to feel what I have felt for the past two months.